I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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