Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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