i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
