wakey wakey hands off snakey
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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