my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
