Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
