remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
