He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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