: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
