so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
