Got a toothbrush?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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