Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
