we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
