He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
