White coat. Heels.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
