I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
