i think i have two assholes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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