Apparently you make a good broom.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
