Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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