me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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