K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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