So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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