Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
