i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This can only be settled by a dance off.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
