cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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