Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
