he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
