Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
