kristin has been a bad kristin
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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