awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
