can u get pink eye on your cock?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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