i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
