i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
