Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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