Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
