Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
