Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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