so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
