Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
