She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am mentally ready for anal.
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