Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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