My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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