Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
