Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
