there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
