can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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