Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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