i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My bed smells like the plague
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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