WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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