i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
