I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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