I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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