I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
